It's not a bad thing... it's just there. A friend of mine from college has done a very brave thing in being quite frank and honest about how she feels about her life right now, and she's doing the same thing I am, just in a very different way. She's in a different seminary, but doing much the same things I am... I feel like we could be in the same place and talk shop much of the time.
You see, Seminary is really good about taking everything you thought you knew about God and calling and your calling and your basic beliefs and turning it on its head. Everyone I've had a serious conversation with agrees that we all go through it, but they speak of it with some fondness.... and I guess if this time of struggle makes my faith as rock-solid as theirs is, I'll look back on it with fondness one day too.
Routine is the only thing that kept me sane last semester, and the group of friends I have made here have been a lifeline of sorts. If I didn't have a good idea of what was coming next in life, I don't know what I would have done. This group of friends, too... oh my gosh. I really don't think I would have survived the first semester.
Okay... As good as it is to mope sometimes, I feel like I have done SO much moping lately, and sometimes it's great to act.
So I thought I could try to make a few changes... If I can get the motivation, it'll be awesome to see the change really happening in my life... NOT going through the motions, but real, positive change. I want a better relationship with God, but I haven't done much in the way of really trying to make positive changes in my habits to enable a healthier relationship with God. Today I got up and had 3 minutes of prayer before I got out of bed... baby steps, right?
I want more productivity in my days, and I want to make better choices about fitness, and how I eat... I know, skinny girls talking about weight, so last week... but I could be healthier. And it's not about weight. It's about energy. Joi de vivre, life as it's intended to be lived. I want to be able to do everything I set out to without thinking about physical limitations. If there's a chance that working out will get rid of some of this...ick... then I'll take it. The problem here? Making time. A friend made the observation that "grown-ups" get up early to work out because there doesn't seem to be any other time, and it's probably true!
Wow. This has gotten long. Alright. More later.
This week, I am going to try new things... Go to bed
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